Here's what we were able to salvage from the demolished unit: most things in tupperware boxes (lots of sentimental value), the china cabinet (amazingly), dining room table, dishes, kitchen items and bathroom towels. We kept the one tall dresser but there was so much water damage that we're not sure if it'll be usable when the time comes to do so. All other furniture, mattresses, beds and the like had to be thrown out.

Jacob was very upset that his air hockey table didn't make it. He understood though.

I'd put all of my apartment and life into storage and moved in with my folks a few months back as a temporary thing while I got a more permanent job and would be able to move to a permanent residence. There was an F2 tornado here Monday night that ran just blocks from where I am and took a path that went right over the storage unit in Griffith, IN. Thankfully, we'd gotten into the crawl space in just enough time. We're all fine.
 
You may recall that two years ago September, I was living in a basement apartment in Highland, IN. I lost my home and everything to the flood (raw sewage actually). All I have left this time is the clothing that I had here at my parents house. Even my computer (my livelihood) was fried because of the lightening strikes. That's the only item that's covered by insurance. I didn't get insurance on the storage unit because it was just a temporary thing. And really, who expects to lose everything twice in two years? That doesn't happen.. execpt to me apparently.
 
Here are some photos that I took yesterday including some distance and aerial views of the storage area:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kfenolio/sets/72157594298589486/
 
Here's a video I took yesterday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gadrQCJ8rFw
 
Here are pictures from the newspaper (photo 22 of storage area too):
http://www.nwi.com/tabs/multimedia/080508storms/
 
I'm at a loss for what to do or even say here. I could use some prayers, and good thoughts too. Really fighting anxiety attackage today.

On July 3rd Jacob and I went to a neighboring town's fireworks celebration. That's what the above photos are from. I had no idea he was making that goofy face in the photo of the two of us. I actually took a decent photo and the kid gets goofy. What a nut!

Then yesterday we went to the local festival. Jacob rode rides that he was too scared to ride before. A couple examples are the swings and the tilt-a-whirl. He loved them both so much that he rode them each about 8 times a piece. When we got home, we were so hot that I thought it would be fun to have an impromptu water gun fight. Here's a few photos from that:


This will give you an idea of what it's like inside a bumper car with my munchkin. I held my foot on the gas pedal, he did the steering. Here's the result:


Jaocb rode the the Tilt-a-Whirl for the first time, two times in a row. He really enjoyed the first ride. Here's what he had to say after the 2nd ride.. which my parents showed up during so they were there for this interview.


His first response to me, which I didn't get on film was, "I wanna go home!" When we did leave, not long after this, on the way home he said that this was the best day ever. Loved that. My boy is the best. :)

Things I've Learned This Week
At the Part Time Job

1. Brad Pitt is dirty.
2. G.W. is a drunkard.
3. The plot of Vacancy. (grrr)
4. I look 21.
5. I look almost too young to have my own car.
6. My boss was taught how to poop properly (not by me!).
7. The size, consistency and texture of his previous item.
8. I am heartily disgusted by said boss.

Tune in next week for another addition of "Things I've Learned This Week"!

One year ago today rain poured down from the skies, devouring much of the town that I live in. The water had no where to go after filling the sewers, drainage ditches and other retention areas. Some basements filled with water, others had massive sewage back-up, foundations were split and entire homes were deemed unlivable. So many people's lives were disrupted by this catastrophe; a catastrophe that the government declared an official State of Emergency. Today I share with you my reflections on the this day and these last 12 months.

I was living in a basement apartment on the north side of the town, where the worst of the storm occurred. Eight (plus) inches of rain fell there within a three-hour time frame. When the sewers could no longer handle the water, raw sewage backed up into my apartment. It entered through the bathtub, the toilet, the sink and the kitchen sink. Upon first inspection, there was about eight inches of sewage in the apartment. Later that night the level was about two inches higher, although looking at the water lines on the wall it appeared to have reached about 13 inches or so while we were gone.



My gracious family and I spent a couple of hours that night and the entire next day cleaning out the apartment. Here's what I was left with: a duffel bag of clothing, kitchen table, computer, and dishes in the upper kitchen cabinets. Everything else had to be removed and placed in the dumpster. devastating is one word that I would use to describe how this experience was to me at the time. For three days I felt like I was in a daze. I didn't know how to begin again or what to do next.



I am so very thankful to the Red Cross for their immediate assistance. They gave me a debit card with quite a bit of money to buy clothing, bedding, shoes and food; all of which I was without. In addition to the Red Cross' help, some of my internet friends put out a call for help. Donations came in totaling slightly over $400 which helped in purchasing many of our other necessities. There were lots of clothing donations and gift cards supplied by family, friends and co-workers. I must say that this was a time where I really doubted that any good still existed in this world. I learned that there really are good people out there, in fact there's a number or really great people.

Sometimes it may just have to take a disaster to bring out the good in people or open the eyes of those who are unable to see it.

After about three days of being distraught and confused, I collected myself. I decided that I couldn't keep going on in the manner that I was. Something had to change. What was I missing? That was a question that I asked myself. Besides all of the obvious material possessions, I was missing something more. I hadn't prayed at all during those three days. I didn't turn to God when I really needed him. When this realization came crashing into the forefront of my mind, I stopped what I was doing and gave it all up to the Lord. For me, this was a tremendous change. I felt lighter, as if I could handle all of this finally. If only you could imagine how this internal change made a difference for me.

Approximately 34 days after the flood occurred, I was moving into the apartment that I currently reside. Family, friends and the families of my friends donated every bit of the furniture that I currently have (with the exception to the captain's bed I bought for Jacob and my kitchen table which we saved from the sewage). The apartment I am living in is not a place that I could afford on my own. There's an individual, who prefers to remain anonymous, offered to cover half of my rent for a year. What an amazing and generous offer this was. I gladly accepted and I honestly don't know where I would be without having had this offer extended.

There have been a number of occasions over the past 12 months where I've told people about the flood. Their reactions are generally the same across the board: how terrible, I'm so sorry. Mine is a bit different than that. It's so different to where people will wonder just what plain of existence that I live on. I tell them that I'm thankful that the flood happened. I wouldn't wish for another, that's for sure, but I also wouldn't be the person that I am now were it not for that flood.

I don't have to carry all of my shit (ha!) myself.
There are people out there that rock.
Things are just things.

I pray that over the next 12 months I can learn and grow just as much, if not more. Thank you to all who have been a part of my life, be it in my physical life or otherwise.

I wrote a while back (I think) about having started a new podcast. Yes, this is one that has lasted beyond two episodes. W00t for me! I have so much fun doing this podcast. Some might say I share a bit too much (see Episode 001).  Tomorrow (Wednesday) night we're going to record a podcast covering our favorite television shows. We do it live, so you could actually come and listen to us while we record, chat with other listeners and even request to talk live on the show. That would rock. Maybe you'd be interested in it?

To cover again what this podcast is about.
www.GirlsNightInPodcast.com
We're four girls who get together every other week. We alternate between reviewing a movie and then have a topic discussion of one host's choice. We sprinkle in some other stuff like what we have been listening to on our MP3 players as well as "What If" questions. We really have a lot of fun and would love to have others join us in the fun. I'd love if one of you guys here on my f-list might come check it out. If you can't make it, would you consider calling in or emailing your thoughts on the following stuffs?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Assignment number 1: TV questions:
1) What are your favorite summer shows?
2) What shows are you looking forward to coming out this fall?
Maggie requests that you leave out the shows that will be coming out after the new year.

Assignment number 2: What If questions:
1) If you were given one hour to spend an unlimited amount of money in any store in the world, what would it be?
2) If you could choose to live on a different planet, which one would you choose?

There are a number of ways that you can give us your feedback. You can send an email to hello@girlsnightinpodcast.com, leave a voicemail on our listener line by dialing 206-666-6418, record an audio file on your computer and include it as an email attachment or show up for the LIVE SHOW on Wednesday, September 5 at 8pm central time.

--

And if you all don't already know, I'm a podcast junkie. There's another podcast out there that I would recommend based on some great conversation and listener interaction. It's called Flick-a-Brac. Darren Blake hosts this show and really involves his listeners, and for me this is the big hook. He talks about movies, genres and some other topics along the way. Check him out if you get the opportunity!
http://flickabrac.blogspot.com

I've come to find out that Kindergarten is much more expensive than I had even imagined. Jacob has been in Kindergarten for a week and a half now and within that time frame I've received seven different requests for money.

"Please just donate $1 or loose change and sign the attached slip with your child's name on it."
Ok, this one isn't too bad. I have loose change.

Market Day: Helping schools with every bite.
I used to love Market Day. I may consider this if I ever have money to spare.

School Spirit Wear
$10/$22/$25, respectively

Scholastic Books
When I was a kid I would beg my parents to order me practically every book from these forms. I may have to get a few for my munchkin.

C is for cookie, it's good enough for me; oh cookie cookie cookie starts with C.
The first fundraiser is upon us! Anyone want to buy cookies, $13/box? I'm takin' orders!

Book Fair Coming Up
It's that time of year again where we all donate money to the teachers via Gift Certificate for books!

Highlights
Get out those markers! No, nevermind, it's those kiddie books. Not buying these either.

At least I have no guilt about what I can and can't do here. I feel sad for the parents who have that social pressure to buy into all of this stuff.

Jacob loves Kindergarten. He says he is going to make more friends with boys this year. "One year I make friends with boys and the next year I make friends with girls. I switch it up mom." I asked him why the only names he's reporting back to me are boys because he usually hits it off with the ladies best.

Today Jacob and I had the opportunity to head a couple hours to the east. My future boss invited us to a cottage on a lake that his family owns. We did a number of things that, let me just say, were totally fun and awesome.




Shortly after we got there we all headed out for a ride on the pontoon boat. Let's preface this with the fact that Jacob only stepped onto a boat for the first time last week when I took him to the Bass Pro Shop. Obviously, that didn't involve water or the wind blowing in his face. Cool but not cool at the same time. Anyways, he was scared to get on the boat because he was worried it would go too fast or he'd drown in some way or another. The child braved his way right onto the boat. He clutched my arm and wrapped it around his shoulder so that he would feel safe. Less than a minute later he was up and walking around the boat as we cruised across the lake. He loved it!

A short time later, the captain of our vessel told Jacob to come over by him. My little man couldn't have been happier when he got to pilot the boat for the rest of the ride. He steered us to-and-fro, around the lake and over as much wake of the other boat's that he could find. He ruled.



After the boat ride ended, I laid on the concrete as he put on his life jacket and swam by the dock. He met an interesting lil bugger while out there playing with a child's casting pole (the kind with the fake fish on the end for a weight). If I can recall the correct type of fish, I believe that it was a Bluegill that followed in his casting weight, thinking it was either lunch or his long lost relative. That was super-cool!



While we were swimming, the host of the cottage pulled a golf cart up to the edge of the dock and told us to have at it. Well, that ended our swimming adventures at least for that moment. Jacob sat in the driver's seat of the golf cart while I sat in the passenger seat. I was scared. Very scared. Thankfully, I was operating the foot pedals, brake and gas (actually engraved in the pedals: STOP and GO). We went tearing around the acre of land that was available to us. I swear that we nearly rolled over three times as well as avoided imminent crashing into a tree or three. Frequently I grasped onto the oh-shit bar that I was so thankful was there. A time or two I needed to grab the boy's hips to ensure he stayed planted on the seat. It was seriously way too much fun. Eventually I had to call it quits because he kept going in tight, fast circles and I was getting motion sick.



Burgers and brats were on the menu for lunch so we took a break there. After we finished our munchies the future boss' wife wanted to go out onto the paddle boat. Jacob and I decided we would accompany her. I was a little disappointed I wasn't going to get a bike ride in today, but this ended up filling it's spot as pedaling like a mad woman (that I am) worked up the sweat and heart rate that biking would have done. Jacob didn't like it too much because the future boss' wife kept making comments about how if we didn't steer well enough we'd end up getting stuck on the sand bar. I had a blast though. We maneuvered 'round and 'round and eventually figured out how to use the little steering pole to get us home.

More crazy golf-carting commenced until I practically fell out of the cart from dizzy-head/motion-sickness. We ended our day of fun by playing some mach-badminton. All-in-all we had a fantastic day which ended with us arriving safely home.

As many of you know who've followed me over the past few years, I've written a lot about the past that has not been too enjoyable. I've decided that I need to start writing again. This won't consist of reflecting on the bad anymore. I believe that I've worked my way through the bad and I'm content with the place that I'm at. Writing as a way of healing has worked wonders. It's time to do some reflection of the past that I really enjoyed.

For the past month I've spent a lot of time talking with a really groovy guy. He's shared a number of memories that even just listening as an outsider made me happy and giddy. I begin to fathom how awesome they must have been to him. During those conversations I have had a rather difficult time thinking about the good and fun stories that I could share. I've written and talked so much about the bad stuff that to me sometimes it seems as though there wasn't much fun; so I don't really have a whole lot to share back with him (unless of course I want to depress him, which I don't).

I know that I have had a lot of fun and there are some really cool memories buried within cavern that is my mind. Now it's time to start taking note of them, giving them the acknowledgment that they deserve. The key here for me will be to step back far enough to thumb through and really focus so that I can take a page and appreciate it. I will not be putting myself on any kind of time table for writing so many things a week or a month, but I do plan on tackling this. I need to do this, not for anyone else but myself, hence this being my journal. Anyone that still reads this, well you just get to come along for the ride.

My username is GoodThingsComin, which obviously is my stand that good things are coming. They really truly are. I can't keep anticipating what's ahead. I need to appreciate what I've had, what I do have and also what's ahead.

On a side, I'm somewhat disturbed by the fact that I'm saddened that I can't recall these things. I've realized that it's my own fault that I haven't made my own good/wholesome memories. I plan to stop letting that little voice in my head stop me from doing things that I know I would enjoy. That voice causes all sorts of fear to rise up and take hold. The only thing I have to fear is fear itself. I'm going to make new memories and do fun things that I know won't be included in the bad list come future reflection.

I will share some pretty nifty things that have happened as of late. First, last week I won a trip on the radio to go to Las Vegas for 3 days and 2 nights. Rawk on! That same day I found out Jacob will be attending full day Kindergarten for free. That's one of the coolest things because full day K here is tuition based at $2,000/year. I've met some really awesome people through a video/chat site that I set up. You can come check it out sometime, because I would love to chat with you. It's at www.goodthingscomin.com where I have a chat applet on the page and 10 video streams that are active only when that person is actually streaming. I'm there streaming much of the time, not necessarily on the weekends though. Lots of folks just come over to text chat through the applet. So, come by and say hi and I'd love to introduce you to some rockin folks.

One of my last updates was that I had lost my job but started my own business from home. My biggest client called me last week and said, "Kim could you come over for about 5 minutes just so we can BS a bit?" It made me a bit nervous, but off I ran. He has been overwhelmed by the amount of business he's gotten since I've been doing all kinds of cool things for him and now he just can't handle everything on his end. He asked me to come work for him full time, completely flexible hours that can be whatever I want provided I get in 40/week and insurance to be included. This is fantastic news. As much as I enjoy working for myself and setting my own hours here, the money hasn't been as steady as I'd like it to be. I recognize that it takes time to build up a client base and market yourself. I have my son to think about taking care of here and having a steady cash flow will really help.

On top of that, a couple weeks ago I took on another part-time job which I'll start next week. I will be working for my mom's boss shampooing hair two days a week. This will be a cash job that will go straight into mah pocket. So, two weeks ago I had one job which I was barely making it with and as of this past week, I now have three jobs. I'm very happy. I'm going to be very busy, but very happy that I'm going to have money again to pay everything on time and might even head out to the theater to see a movie again.

So, today is the start of something new for me. I pray you're all doing absolutely fabulous.

I'm posting this because my mother had a lump in her breast when she was 35. It was biopsied and removed. Thankfully, she did not have breast cancer. Let me tell you though, that at the age of 10, it was still scary. Before I came across this blog posting today, I didn't know you didn't have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Please read this and share it with all the women you know. Repost it on your own blogs or email it to those who don't read them. I'm a mom, I have a mom, a grandmother, aunts, cousins and I want them all to know this so that they can detect early if it were to ever happen to them. Love to you all!

Reprint from Toddler Planet, with permission of the author
Inflammatory breast cancer

Monday July 23rd 2007, 3:11 pm

We hear a lot about breast cancer these days. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetimes, and there are millions living with it in the U.S. today alone. But did you know that there is more than one type of breast cancer?

I didn’t. I thought that breast cancer was all the same. I figured that if I did my monthly breast self-exams, and found no lump, I’d be fine.

Oops. It turns out that you don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Six weeks ago, I went to my OB/GYN because my breast felt funny. It was red, hot, inflamed, and the skin looked…funny. But there was no lump, so I wasn’t worried. I should have been. After a round of antibiotics didn’t clear up the inflammation, my doctor sent me to a breast specialist and did a skin punch biopsy. That test showed that I have inflammatory breast cancer, a very aggressive cancer that can be deadly.

Inflammatory breast cancer is often misdiagnosed as mastitis because many doctors have never seen it before and consider it rare. “Rare” or not, there are over 100,000 women in the U.S. with this cancer right now; only half will survive five years. Please call your OB/GYN if you experience several of the following symptoms in your breast, or any unusual changes: redness, rapid increase in size of one breast, persistent itching of breast or nipple, thickening of breast tissue, stabbing pain, soreness, swelling under the arm, dimpling or ridging (for example, when you take your bra off, the bra marks stay – for a while), flattening or retracting of the nipple, or a texture that looks or feels like an orange (called peau d’orange). Ask if your GYN is familiar with inflammatory breast cancer, and tell her that you’re concerned and want to come in to rule it out.

There is more than one kind of breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer is the most aggressive form of breast cancer out there, and early detection is critical. It’s not usually detected by mammogram. It does not usually present with a lump. It may be overlooked with all of the changes that our breasts undergo during the years when we’re pregnant and/or nursing our little ones. It’s important not to miss this one.

Inflammatory breast cancer is detected by women and their doctors who notice a change in one of their breasts. If you notice a change, call your doctor today. Tell her about it. Tell her that you have a friend with this disease, and it’s trying to kill her. Now you know what I wish I had known before six weeks ago.

You don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer.

P.S. Feel free to steal this post too.  I’d be happy for anyone in the blogosphere to take it and put it on their site, no questions asked.  Dress it up, dress it down, let it run around the place barefoot. I don’t care.  But I want the word to get out.  I don’t want another young mom — or old man — or anyone in between — to have to stare at this thing on their chest and wonder, is it mastitis?  Is it a rash?  Am I overreacting?  This cancer moves FAST, and early detection and treatment is critical for survival.

Thank you.

I'm giving up my kitties tomorrow after work. They're going to a no-kill shelter. I can't stop crying. I don't want to let them go! I've had them for seven years and they mean so much to me. I'm afraid they'll never have an owner that would love and care for them like I do. I know I'm doing the right thing for Jacob and I because of our allergies and asthma. I can't help that it hurts so much though. I hate abandoning them like this. I wish there was someone that would take them that I knew.. a place where I knew they'd get love and attention. Someone that I trusted.

Happy Easter everyone. Christ is risen today!

It was so exciting for me to tell my son about the real meaning of Easter this week. He was truly amazed. I'll share with you what I told him.

Let me tell you about Jesus. When God was up in heaven, he looked down on the world and saw that there was so much bad stuff. People were doing terrible things. So many of them didn't know of God or how to live a good life. He didn't want all of the bad things people did to make them go to hell.

He decided that he would send his son to earth to save us all from hell. So, Jesus was born. When Jesus got older, he did many wonderful things. He performed things called miracles. A miracle is something that happens that no human can do. It's like magic, only better. People who couldn't see, Jesus touched their eyes and said, "see" and they saw! People who couldn't hear, he touched their ears and said, "hear" and they heard!

Jesus taught people how wonderful God is and how to live a life so that when they died, they would go to heaven. But you know what? Some of the people who were in charge of the cities, really didn't like Jesus. You know why? Because they didn't like that Jesus was loved more than them. They were jealous. So you know what they did? They made a plan, a plan to kill him!

One night, Jesus was with some friends of his. The soldiers came and arrested him. The leaders of the city then decided to kill him on a cross. They put nails through his hands and his feet and nailed him to a cross. That's where Jesus died.

It hurt him a lot, just like the bad things that we do hurt God's feelings. Jesus died so that we didn't have to die and go to hell. Jesus died so that when we die, we could go to heaven. So, three days after Jesus died, he rose from the dead. He was dead, but then he was alive! That's another miracle. No human could die and come back to life again! This was truly God at work here.

Jesus rose from the dead and went up to heaven. Jesus died and then rose up again for you and for me.. for everyone! He did this so that when we die, we can go to heaven too. Heaven is amazing because it's the most spectacular thing we could ever imagine.

If Jesus hadn't have been killed and then rose again, we would all live lives that were unhappy. But now we know that Jesus loves us and will always take care of us. He's up in heaven waiting for us with his arms wide open. Jesus is risen!

My 5-year old was totally amazed. I only started taking him to church less than a year ago. He totally got it though. I'm so proud of him and thankful for him.

Christ is risen, something that was done for each of us. Love the Lord and trust His ways, for one day we will join him in paradise.

I guess I'm cranky tonight. There are times when I can be so very reactionary. It frustrates me to look back on it. I don't fully regret it, but maybe I would have liked to have gone back and rephrased some things. There are certain things that need to be said and others that don't. There is never an intention on my part to offend others, unfortunately at times it cannot be avoided. I can't help how I feel.

I've been dealing with so much this past week. I uncovered a lot of hurt and pain a few days ago and I'm still trying to work my way through it. Obviously, others seem to be getting the unintended brunt of it. I'm glad that in retrospect that I can become aware of this. As I become aware of my faults, I hope that I can work on and improve upon them.

That's it for tonight. Sleep will help, yes? Yes.

Friday during the day I went out onto my patio to take a look around with the guide of the sun. What did I find? A green lighter that wasn't mine, right beside where that man was. I didn't touch it, but bagged it. Later that night a detective came by to pick it up. He said they would attempt to check it for fingerprints. The likelihood of finding fingerprints on it was probably slim due to the fact it rained much of the night and day. Here's hoping that I get a call Monday that they found something.

I also stopped into the management office of the complex I live in. I informed the lady there what happened and asked for permission to install a motion sensor patio light. I had already bought it and was going to install the thing regardless, but felt that I should do the right thing and let them know what was going on. She was aghast by what happened. She said that in 22 years they'd never had anything like that happen here. I find that interesting since the officer I spoke to that night told me approximately two months ago they had two reports of a peeping tom. Still, I do understand that my guy wasn't exactly peeping. Anyways. She called someone from the management team and asked about the light. They told me I could only swap out the old one with one that looked exactly the same as the one that's there now. Well, it didn't. And if I were to get a porch light that did look like a normal porch light, they cost around $100. That's expensive. I asked him why it was so unheard of to do such things, to which he responded that the board of directors doesn't want anything standing out. I told him that I didn't feel safe in my own home right now and that, really, I needed to install this for me. I asked if I could install it and if it ever came to the board of directors finding it and voting it down, we could take different steps at that point. He figured that would be ok. The lady I was talking to, however, mentioned that there are adapters that you can screw into a light socket that are motion detectors. You just screw the light into that and it will engage the power and turn on the light. I went back to Menards and exchanged what I had bought for that gizmo. Suckage that the gizmo was too big to fit through the tiny hole in the light mount. Right now, I'm just leaving the light on from dusk until dawn.
I asked the lady if they were planning on informing all of the other 1st floor tenants in the buildings of what went on so they could make adjustments for safety's sake. She said no way, that it would cause too much unrest. Well, I think a little unrest is acceptable to maintain the safety of your tenants. I wonder if it's some kind of legal stuff.

Today, I was leaving with Jacob to go get quarters from the store to do laundry with. I saw one of my first floor neighbors outside. I told her about what happened. While we were talking, a man walked from the parking lot into the building across the pathway from us. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

Let me segue here for a moment. I cannot get the image of that man out of my head. There honestly wasn't a lot to go on at the time. As I verbalized again what I saw of the man, different things began to click for me. I screamed and the guy jumped up, obviously startled. He had a ball cap on, a tshirt and the one thing I can't ever forget, big, round shoulders. The shoulders are what really stick with me. But when the man jumped up, he jumped in a way that was slightly peculiar. The movements of him (even for the split second I saw him) were slightly different than I would expect. I'm trying to come up with the right words to describe it, since you can see me doing them over here. I guess he was kind of like a weeble for a moment. He jumped up and his body waved, slightly spasmodically front to back from the waist up.. his arms bent at the elbow.. elbows close to his sides, hands up in the air.

Now back to this man I saw walking from the parking lot into the other building. He was wearing a white t-shirt and a red ball cap. He didn't even look at us as he walked to the building. I told my neighbor that if I were to give you an example of what that sillhouette looked like that night, I'd point you to him. It's almost exact. He had the shoulders.. shoulders that are very distinct. And he was wearing a ball cap. A few minutes later, he walked back out with an older gentleman (who I have come to find out is his father) and left, not wearing the ball cap any longer. I watched him walk to the car this time rather closely. His movements, were very similar. Everything in my being was telling me that this was the man who was at my door trying to get in. I told my neighbor this. She mentioned that he had some kind of handicap, mental retardation or some kind of disorder. If I had to guess along a mental retardation range, I'd say autism. I know a number of autistic individuals and their movements seemed similar to his. If I were to guess the "some other kind of disorder" I'd say he was disturbed. My neighbor told me that the guy never leaves his house, and if he does it's only with his father.

This leads me to believe that this guy has lots of time to himself in that apartment. Lots of time to people-watch, lots of time to ponder whatever he wants to ponder, lots of time to study the comings and goings of anyone.

I really hope that the detectives can find a viable print on that lighter, even if they don't have a match for the print in their database. They're supposed to call me if they find anything. When they do, I'm going to tell them this (even though I think they may laugh at me) and see if they can't go over and request his finger prints on a voluntary basis.

In a way I feel somewhat relieved to possibly know who the man was. People that I've talked to today about this don't seem to understand that. Since Thursday I've been paranoid and scared. I don't want to go outside after dark. I'm scared to be alone. I'm scared to go to bed by the window. I'm scared to turn out the lights when I do. I feel claustrophobic because of this fear. It's extremely anxiety inducing. Knowing that this might be the man, lessens that every so slightly. Not much, but it does. When I go sit out on my patio now I can look around frantically, while I try to enjoy the peace, and feel like I know what I'm looking for.

I'm still scared and I'm still nervous, but it's diminishing slowly day-by-day.

On another note, gram's still in the hospital. Her spirits are amazing. I've haven't seen her this chipper in months. Usually when she enters the hospital she'll battle with lots of confusion. This time she has an excellent frame of mind, which we're all grateful for. The doctors and nurses are working hard to get her back into a condition that our family can manage for her. Hopefully she'll be released by Tuesday.

I am scared and freaking out. A man just tried to come into my apartment through the sliding glass door. I was on the phone with my mom and pacing through the living room when I heard a noise outside the sliding door (I'm on 1st floor). I had the glass door open 1 inch because it was warm in here and I wanted fresh air. Anyways, I went to the door to check and see if it was raining. I moved the blinds slightly and there was a big man crouched down at the screen door. His hand was on the screen and he was trying to bump it open by the base of the track that the door sits in. I was SO caught off guard. I screamed, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD" while I slammed the glass door and locked it. There was no thought process involved for me. It was all reactionary that I felt my body take over. After I did that I immediately ran to my sons bedroom while still screaming.

When I first saw the man and screamed, he jumped up very quickly. I startled the heck out of him too. He was about 6 feet tall, big and buff, or husky wearing a t-shirt and ball cap. I didn't have the porch light on so I don't know what his ethnicity was. After I ran into the hallway I tried calling 911 on my cell phone but "tone.. the number you dialed cannot be completed.." WTF?! I ran into the kitchen and hit 911 on my landline, thank the Lord I have a land line.

I was just freaking out. My whole body was shaking that I was stuttering to the 911 operator. She wanted a better description. It's like listen lady, this is all I have. The light was out, I slammed the door and screamed while I ran like a chicken into the other room.

This man KNEW I was in here alone. He could hear me and probably see me walking through the apartment while I was on the phone in my pajamas. He was trying to come into my apartment. I can't get past that. This man was trying to get in. Seriously. Why? What the heck? I'm so scared. I don't want to go to sleep. I'm sick and have been exhausted all day and have looked forward to going to bed tonight. Now I'm all anxious and nervous and scared and freaked out. I'm scared to go to sleep.

There were 4 squad cars that showed up plus one K9 unit. They couldn't find anyone. Officer Surf told me that he would come by 4-5 more times throughout the night to check on me. He was sweet. He also said there'd be an undercover car patrolling throughout the night as well. He did note that the rocks along the windows seemed disturbed as if he'd been checking the bedroom windows as well. Great!

I haven't been this freaked out since I was 16, and I'm not going to go into that story now. But man, I can't take my eyes off that door. I have every single light on in here, including the porch now. I'm really scared. This will pass though. This will pass.

PS: My mom called to say they called 911 because my grandmother can't breathe. Today has royally sucked. Seriously.

The pediatrician's office called. Previously with the arthritis, he had an elevated SED rate and CPK. This time he only has an elevated SED rate. That could be a result of an inflamatory response in the body (arthritis) or of a bacterial infection or both. He does have a sinus infection which he is taking antibiotics for. This is good news as the reality of arthritis is lessening. If he's still having pain and fever on Monday then we go in to repeat all of the blood work. So, yippee!

On the down side, however, he puked all over himself and my back seat yesterday, then had a bout of diarrhea. He had a fever as well, but it's not been as high today. Things seem to be getting better.

We just took a walk through the community of buildings that we live in. We saw the swimming pool and the tennis courts. It's 58 degrees out right now, which is just wonderous! He had a good time, so did I!

Two years ago next week will be the anniversary of Jacob's arthritic ailment. The experience for both myself and Jacob then were challenging. The road to diagnosis was long, painful and emotional. Thankfully, at that time he was not diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). He was diagnosed with post-viral arthritis.


A few weeks after the diagnosis things resolved on their own. We simply treated him with Children's Motrin as needed for the pain. This diagnosis was given by the top Pediatric Rheumatologist at Chicago Children's Memorial Hospital. He did put a bug in our ears that we should continually monitor him for the possibility of JRA.

Four days ago Jacob began complaining about shin pain. His symptoms did not correlate to that of the pain two years ago. He's in the prime age for "growing pains" again. Being that the pain this time wasn't localized to any joints, I wasn't all that worried. The pain was worse in the evening. He woke up a couple of times during the night complaining. But over the past two days, the pain has spread and gotten worse, primarily in the morning.

Last night his pain went from his shins all the way up to his hips. That's when I began considering that this could be the arthritis again. We woke up and he was still experiencing the pain. He was quite mopey and didn't really want to walk. When we had the arthritis two years ago, the doctors and the research explained that people with arthritis should not restrict their normal activities, in fact they should get more exercise to keep their joints healthy. I sent him to preschool this morning anyways. I thought the distraction and exercise at school would help. I did pull his teacher aside and explain what was going on. I instructed her to call me if he wasn't consolable or if the situation changed. I went to pick him up at the normal time. All the kids were outside, except for my kid. Another teacher told me that he was crying so they let him stay inside. I called his pediatrician and got an appointment for this afternoon.

The doctor is very concerned and thinks that arthritis again his a huge possibility. In the morning we'll go to have blood drawn and go pick up some meds.

Gah, he just woke up and came out here. The pain is in his left knee now. I put him to bed, promising that when I went to bed I'd get him and bring him into snuggle with me.

I pray this is something as simple as post-viral arthritis. I also pray that his pain lessens and he would continue to be that energetic, enthusiastic and loving little man I adore.

Ok I can't even begin to say how thrilled I am about this podcast I'm co-hosting with Stephanie. It's amazing! Seriously. Greys Anatomy Fan Podcast! Fanatics? Oh yes. After only our first episode, we had more than 1,200 people download and subscribe to the podcast. That's just astounding!

A little more than a week goes by after our launch and we're already in iTunes' "New and Notable" section on their podcasts page. I wonder if they'll have us featured at some point? That would rock!

Additionally, tonight I found out that we're also listed as the Featured Pick at http://www.toptensources.com on their Grey's Anatomy page. Check it out by clicking here.

I am so hyped up and excited from not only having people to talk about this amazing show to, but at the reactions and the draw our podcast has evoked. Even my sleeping pill is not making me tired right now. I'm THAT excited.